I'm still here, I just don't really have anything to say. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I offer you this little diversion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuMWXhT5ewg

Enjoy. All two of you.

I love Ronald Reagan. I pray at his alter. I stood in line for six hours to walk past his casket for roughly 10 seconds. And I'm the guy who got out of line for Ramones tickets because I hate waiting like hippies hate bathing. Reagan and football are as close to religion as I come. I exalt the man and have my entire life. Ask any one of my friends, they'll tell you as much. I don't believe in god, but I believe in Reagan. I will until I die. Hell, Reagan was supposed to be my daughter's name until my brother stole it from me (and I married a rabid liberal). I worship the man.

All of that being said, if there is any one person in my life that I would truly want to emulate, it's Jimmy Carter. To all but a very few people, this, I believe, would probably come as a shock. But it's true.

I'm a facist. A social darwinist. I really don't give a shit about people I don't know. But I should. And that's the point.

I make a lot of jokes about Carter because it's easy. We've been raised to know that the Carter presidency was essentially a joke. The Vietnam hangover, the oil embargo, the hostages. The man inheriited issues that almost nobody under 35 could even begin to truly understand. And while I don't have the optimism that Carter seems to have had his entire life, I would really like to. I feel like we're supposed to.

I love a politician for being a politician. Honestly.  It's part of the job to be at least half an ass. I don't have to believe in the man to appreciate him doing his job. Clinton is a perfect example. I was never a Clinton supporter, but I can say that he was the best pure politicain that ever held the office. And I'm ok with that. But Jimmy Carter is what we're supposed to aspire to. Sure it seems simplistic. But it's true. We're supposed to listen to our "better angels". And truth be told, Carter was more idealistic than Lincoln was on his best day. Name another American public figure that would have the balls to say that the Palestenians have been shafted from the get. It's not a popular view, but it's the god damned truth kids. And NOBODY of Carter's status has ever had the sack to say as much. At least not in my lifetime. The man has a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for fuck's sake. And there are people out there calling him anti-semetic just because he had the nuts to publically question the Israeli policies regarding the West Bank.

Seriously?

Okay, Sure, Palestine elected a Hamas government. And, yes, Carter purposely used the word "Apartheid" to churn up some dischord. But bear with me.

Now, I understand the arguments from the other side. I really do. If I had people blowing up school buses in my backyard, I'd be pissed off too. I'd be completely willing to blame everyone on the other side for the issue. Hell, I've got two kids, I'd be waging a holy war. But here's the thing: the U.S. and England essentially created Israel. We went into Palestine and said "Here ya go. Have a country." How is that OK? Wouldn't you be pissed off if somebody decided to give your back yard to a bunch of people you didn't know?

Don't forget that Carter got Israel and Egypt to shake hands. Sure, it got Saddat killed, but it's closer than anybody else has gotten. And maybe he should have known better, but he is lead by a true and pure optimism. The man truly believes that we are better than we've been. Aren't we all supposed to believe as much? And, fuck, I'm the most bitter, most pessimistic guy I know.

In a perfect world we'd all be liberal, but we live in this one. So I understand why we are where we are, but that doesn't mean that we aren't supposed to aspire to something better. And I guess, at the end of the day, that's the point.

So, a few weeks ago I let it be known that I had decided to back Barrack Obama. Now, being the staunch facist that I am (not to mention an unabashed Reaganite) I ended up catching a lot of shit from people on both sides of the fence. The folks on the right accused me of selling out and jumping on the bandwagon (even though I've never called myself a Republican). One even said that he never thought the Obama hype machine would manage to scoop me up. Those on the other side said that I wasn't a true supporter and that I just hate losing.

Here's the truth. There are three reasons I chose to go with Obama. One, Johnny Mac turned his back on his life's work in the Senate, on his legacy as the Barry Goldwater Conservatism standard bearer and on every independent and moderate from both parties the day he went to Liberty. How can a man who spent his entire career fighting against the Fallwellians justify what was the equivalent of getting on his knees and sucking off Pat Robertson? I love politics for what it is, but I can't even swallow that one.

Second, while Sarah Palin did, indeed, energize the Republican base (which is what he was going for), they were going to vote for him anyway. And it was really just another hand job for the right. I, personally, don't care about her lack of experience. I just have never liked having Jesus that close to the Oval Office. Call me crazy, but I happen to be a fan of the Seperation of Church and State. And I hate Zealots. Any kind.

But, really, at the end of the day I backed Barrack for one reason above all else. Jimmy Carter. Stay with me, it's gonna take a minute, but it'll make sense by the end. In '68 this country had a chance to really learn something about itself. We could have elected McGovern. We could have gone with Hope and Change and all the warm fuzzy bullshit that came with it. But we elected Nixon instead. Why? I believe it's because when people stepped into that booth, they were suddenly hit with the reality of the situation. McGovern would have failed. He would have failed miserably. And no one wanted to see all that hope and good feeling go up in flames while he tried to reconcile himself with the fact that it simply wasn't going to work the way he wanted to. The way he sold it. We knew in '68, and then we forgot all about it in '76.

I love Jimmy Carter. I really do. He's a great man. He's an honest, caring, genuine man. He truly wanted to help this country and he believed that he could. And 52% (remember that number, we'll come back to it) of the voting public believed with him. And, of course, he was a legendary failure as president. Not because he didn't try, but because he was simply in over his head. The economy was shot. We just came out of Vietnam. To use his own words, there was a "great malaise" in this country (anything sound familiar yet?). He tried all kinds of things to make it better, he even shit-canned the entire cabinet to try and get some fresh ideas. A new approach. None of it worked, and he ended up ushering in the Reagan Era. And he, kind of unfairly, gets blamed for all of it.

Here's my point, the lesson we should have learned with McGovern and then put squarely on Carter's back is that when it's all said and done, it's not about Hope and Change and good feelings. It's about effectiveness. It's about getting the job done. And since I, truly and deeply, didn't see either McCain or Obama being able to do that, we might as well go with the biggest shock to the system. The biggest lesson.

If McCain wins and fails, what have we really learned? But if Barrack fails, oh my pretties, it won't matter that he had 240,000 people at his victory dance. It won't matter that we had record turn out amongst young and minority voters. He still fails. No amount of Hope will change that. And neither will the 52% (told ya we'd come back to it) of the voting public that believes with him.

So, to all of you that gave me shit for siding with Obama, you're right. I'm NOT a true supporter. I don't think he'll be a particularly good or effective president. But McCain wouldn't have been any better, and hopefully when Obama fails, we'll actually learn something.

Plus, it's just gonna be fun walking around for the next four years watching as reality slowly but surely seeps into people. Cheers!

So I just watched the hottie VP nominee's speech. And, while part of me will always believe that Johnny Mac picked her because he really wants to bed her, I have to admit that I was impressed. She's money. She even made some truly sad talking points sound good. But that's not the reason I'm writing this.

The local news came on immediately afterwards, and in case you weren't watching, or just aren't from the DC metro area, an eight month old boy caught a bullet in the head because somebody felt the need to unload a few rounds into his father while he was putting him in the carseat. If there has ever been a more blatant example of why I am the man that I am, I can't think of it.

Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I've had a shit day and I'm just this side of drunk, but that doesn't invalidate this particular rant. I HATE people. There's a reason I'm a facist. And I'm not kidding. At all. In any way.

Who the fuck shoots a guy while he's holding his baby? I've got almost no true respect for life in general (although I am ridiculously protective of the few people I actually like). Hell I'm the guy that got drunk and dodged a train. Just to prove a point. But seriously, how fucked are you that you're that guy? An eight month old baby boy got a bullet in the head because somebody decided he had to buck up and be a BIG MAN? What the fuck?

The absolute worst case scenario is that the father did something worthy of getting shot 8 times and the shooter thought it'd be funny that his his baby was there too. The best case is that some retarded jackass got bored and didn't give a shit. And that's the world that we live in kids. Yet, people question me on my staunch belief in the death penalty (we don't use it nearly enough) and flat out Draconic law enforcement. And, again, I'm not kidding.

Wow. I just realized that I have ventured well past the other side of drunk at this point, so I'm going to leave it alone for now. But just in case there's somebody reading this that doesn't know me, again, I'm not kidding. At all. In any way.

It's been roughly two years since I was a regular Metro commuter. My brief exile back to Da Bridge caused to me to finally get off my ass, get my license back and reaquaint myself with the automobile. Now that I've been something like 7 miles away from work for a year, I just can't justify paying 4ish bucks a gallon to save something like 15 minutes in travel time. Plus, the mile or so I have to walk back and forth to the station is the only thing resembling exercise I'm likely to get any time soon. So, hey, who cares if it's August in DC, it's a win/win.

Except....

I forgot the small issue of Other People. More to the point, I had managed to make myself forget how much Other People suck, especially when it comes to public transportation. Granted, if the all-seeing web is to be believed, we're better off than China,

Still, I hate the Metro. I hate it like Hippies hate bathing (pretty sure I stole that from somebody, but I'm gonna run with it anyway). In the course of a 28 minute ride from Downtown to Del Ray, I watched perfectly able-bodied men act like they didn't see the 60 something year old lady with the way too big bag who really would've liked to sit down. I saw a girl in her early 20's throw a hip check any defenseman would be proud of on an unfortunate guy who was obviously paying too much attention to his book as she made her mad break for the door. But, I have to say, by far my favorite of the ride was the the lady who blatantly tried to burrow into the the side of the car when the ghetto-fabulous chic sat down next to her. I haven't seen anybody that uncomfortable since the night I "relieved myself" on the lawn of the National Cathedral (when you can get worried, sideways glances from the participants of a bachelor party, you have have accomplished something my friends). While I generally enjoy people watching (as it lets me revel in my innate superiority), the Metro, truly, makes me want to choke people with their own Sudokus.

Someday, I'll be able to work from home.......

Have you ever had the universe just flat out beat you over the head with something? It's an interesting feeling......

So I took a little time off. It happens. I am, after all, a lazy bastard. And though I never run out of shit to bitch about, typing requires effort. And let's be honest, those of you reading this have undoubtedly heard it all before.

But, anyway, to paraphrase Joey Knish (in other words, to blatantly rip off a throw-away line from "Rounders"), "In honor of Nate's, Ali-like return to the ring.." I offer you this marathon post of all the disjointed shit currently in my head. Enjoy.

First, I'm starting to believe that it's possible (just possible, mind you) that I may have been mistaken in my view of the state of politics in the good ole US of A these days. The more my former man crush turned unapologetic (and tragic) company man, The Senator Formerly Known as John McCain, busts his ass to court votes that are his by party virtue, the more I get the feeling that he's just lost his freakin' mind. Seriously, does his camp really think he needs to try and convince Republicans to vote for him? Nobody this side of the Buffalo Bills circles the wagons like the Republicans do (thank you Chris Berman). In my experience, the average Republican is exactly like my parents (who like to forget that they wanted no part of Dubya until he was the Nom. Now they have a signed, Contributor's Special pic of George and Laura hanging on the wall). It doesn't matter whether or not they really like their candidate, they're going to vote for him, regardless. Why does he think he needs to court the Busholytes?

My argument for pretty much my entire life has been that Republicans keep winning, based mostly on the fact that they know they're not necessarily the smartest one in the room (unlike your average Democrat, or self-righteous, narcissistic blogger), so they surround themselves with good people. McCain's campaign is seriously challenging that point of view. I would really like to talk to his team, just to figure out if it is really, physically possible to shove your head up your own ass. How can Republicans be so completely oblivious to their own kind?

Meanwhile, Obamaman is skipping across the continents, meeting with heads of state and shit like he's already in office. And, while we're on the subject, I don't care if you're running for president or not. A junior freaking senator has no fucking business making that trip. I don't care who it is. You're not on that level. That's like a kid from the JV touring A-list, D-1 colleges. How does this make sense?

And, while I like to believe that Johnny Mac's "Iraq/Pakistan border" quote is actually a deviously worded shot across the bow to Iran, the amount of quoted missteps the man has made so far is approaching Dubya status, and not in any way helping.

What it all really comes down to is this: Short of somebody I actually like (and that hasn't happened in my life as an adult) I will lean towards the better politician. And right now, Obama sure as hell seems to have that spot locked up. We might actually see the first black president next year. Ya gotta wonder what the high-ups in the Secret Service are thinking right now.

Second, it's finally over. The annual long, dark winter of the soul has officially come to an end. The Steelers reported to camp today, thus killing, yet again, NASCAR and the MLB's yearly stranglehold on the American sporting world. Thank you Baby Jesus.

Third, in case you haven't ventured into the world of The Anti DC, you should. While I'm pretty sure it would take me less than 5 minutes to piss off, and completely alienate the author (especially since I give not two shits about fashion), she does tend to be pretty fucking hilarious.

Fourth (yes, I am going to continue to number them all), what kind of a god kills River Phoenix and Heath Ledger, but lets Keanu Reeves go on making making movies? And who are the people in Hollywood who keep casting this jackass? Is he a Scientologist? Is it the same god that kills Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jim Morrison, Buddy Holly and Nick Drake, but let's the Crue, Poison and Ted Nugent tour forever? I'm very confused.

Fifth, since we're on the subject, why won't the Stones and Aerosmith fucking retire? Honestly, do Mick and Steven really think they're still in their 20's?

Okay, I guess I'm done for now, but I will be back. At some point. I promise.
 

I'm not really a vacation kinda guy. I tend to work myself to exhaustion, drink far too much and then collapse in a heap over a long weekend. I manage to pull this off fairly well, believe it or not. But since I have vacation time to burn off, I figure I might as well use it at some point. So, I took this week off. My original plans got nixed, and I as I tend to be exceedingly lazy in the off hours, I have spent my vacation doing pretty much nothing. It's actually kind of liberating.

I like having my daylight hours back. I spent my entire 20's in the restaurant business, and I got used to being off schedule from the rest of the world. I like waking up at 10 or so on a weekday, breaking out the bike for a ride, going to the driving range in the middle of the day, grabbing a table outside somewhere and killing the rest of the afternoon getting blissfully buzzed with a few friends. I like being able to take the dogs on a long walk, or let them run til they drop at the dog park. I like having extra time for my kids. Call me crazy.

The problem is, age and responsibility (all the Real Life horseshit) gets in the way of actually enjoying life. I don't hate my job or anything, but I've never really felt like I belong there. I wasn't made for an office. I'm ready to retire, but how do you retire in your early 30's? Groing up sucks.

Why are people so fucking ignorant? It's not that hard to educate yourself enough to form real, viable opinions about things. Really. Just a quick rundown of where I stand on a few things:

 

I'm pro-choice, but that should include the father also. Sorry, but it's his kid too.

Hands down, the two largest expenditures of any government (especially ours) should be education and military, in that order.

Most vice should be legal. Not only is it the biggest cash crop in the country, but you're a grownup. You can make your own decisions.

That being said, I also expect you to act like a grownup. To that effect, I also believe in draconic law enforcement. You want to sit in your room do meth/crack/whatever-the-fuck-else-they-come-up-with all day? Have a ball. But if you so much as roll a bum for 37 cents to fund your habit, I'm gonna put a bullet in your head.

Rape and molestation should be capital crimes. I don't care what kind of collar you wear.

Welfare is a scam. Get a job and I'll help you with child care. Hell I'll help you buy a car and make rent. Sit on your ass and you can rot.

It's not my job to help you, but I will bust my ass to if you're willing to bust yours.

 

What's the point of all this you ask yourself? Well you're by no means the first. But at this particular time, it's two-fold. Partly, it's a teaser to the Nate Dictatorship Manifesto (the new and improved version), but mostly it's because I'm fucking irritated right now.

See, I'm outside of my beloved beltway (which, by the way, I only ever realize is beloved when I leave it) and feeling completely out of place in a world that seems to move about 3 steps slower than I need it too. So, when Real Time came on the shitty motel TV, I was happy. I love Bill Maher. I don't agree with him most of the time, but at least he is one of the few that has the ability to judge a situation individually. Unfortunately, every now and then his panels are so obviously skewed that it's painful.

I like Esai Morales. I even like a lot of horribly bad movies he's been in. There are a few actors whose movies I'll watch just because I like them (for actresses, outside of Claire Danes and Jeanine Garofalo, it tends to fall along the "is she really hot enough to sit through this crap?" vein) and Morales is one of them. Has anyone else wasted their time on Rapa Nui? I didn't think so.

Anyway, if anyone this side of Bonophisto truly needs to shut up and just do their job, it's Esai Morales. Seriously, how can someone who obviously believes that the current administration is incompetent turn around and infer that they're also responsible for 9/11? Does logic just not matter to people at all anymore?

Anyway, I'm done ranting for now, but I have a challenge for the two of you that may be reading this (and by the way, you two could not be farther from each other on the political spectrum. It kinda makes me giggle). Comment with questions. Chances are, you know me well enough that you already know the answer, but if you happen to have stumbled in here by accident (most likely through Shannon's possibly ill-conceived link on Disaffected Scanner Jockey), I dare you to find a subject that I can't offer a sane, non-partisan opinion on. Just know that you're probably not going to agree with what I have to say.

Random Mutterings:

Dear God am I bored. Just a general, overall boredom(I'd use one of those fancy french terms for this particular state, but the only good the french ever gave us revolves around food and some oddly interesting porn)

I think I'm finally starting to understand Fight Club

Where's a better place to kill a few days drinking, Boston or Philly? I'm going to one of them, but I can't decide which. I love Philly, but I've never been to Boston. Philly's like 3 hours away. Boston is a journey

Eddie Izzard's fucking hilarious

I paid almost 100 grand more for my 500 and change square foot condo than my parents paid for the their 3 bedroom single family back in '89. This seems very wrong

looking around said condo, it occurs to me that I am a HORRIBLE impulse shopper

What ever happened to John Hughes movies?